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College students have leapt online to set up mass dating events, including a much-publicized flash-mob blind date last winter in downtown Seoul. And entrepreneurs have opened bars where waiters serve as informal go-betweens. There are online dating services as well, but many young Koreans remain uncomfortable searching for a partner on their own.
Most prefer to rely on the companies to take their information and make the match for them. So far, though, the results of these efforts have been mixed. Korean society is organized around group affiliations — hometown ties and school and corporate friendships — so meeting a potential spouse without formal introductions to merit family approval has proved difficult, even for those enamored with the concept. Until the s, young people relied on matchmakers and family connections to find spouses, sociologists say.
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With so many people living in ancestral villages, it was easy for parents to find good matches for their children. Among the criteria considered: family status and birth dates checked by fortune tellers for compatibility.
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Those practices waned as industrialization started an exodus to South Korean cities. Far from traditional networks, families turned to a growing number of dating services that performed background checks. And young people turned to friends whose role is taken seriously enough that they receive gifts at weddings. Standard thank you presents include tailored suits and cash.
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But in recent years, urban youth exposed to the West begun to complain that even the less formal blind dates set up by friends were stressful. The catch with such unorthodox approaches, said Hahm In-hee, a professor of sociology at Ewha Womans University, is that society has not been prepared for such a radical change. Of all the new approaches now being tried, the flash mob was the most famous failure.
About 3, young people showed up at sprawling Yoido Plaza, despite frigid temperatures. At p. It did not help that the police were dispatched to chaperon the event because parents were afraid of sexual assaults.
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The event fizzled in 10 minutes, though the organizer said that about couples managed to arrange a first date. The heart of the problem, local officials and others say, is that South Koreans have gotten ahead of themselves. As the country modernizes rapidly, many of its urban youth are chafing not only at arranged courtships but also at dates arranged by friends.
Park avoids matches set up by his family, but says countless blind dates arranged by his friends have too often left him stammering through small talk with women who are not interested in him, or he in them. Still, he and most other young South Koreans are not yet comfortable with the Western notion of casual dating as a path to finding a spouse, and the idea of approaching a stranger to start of a meaningful relationship sends many into spasms of shyness.
But social mores are slowly shifting. But those changes do not diminish the need for proper introductions for serious relationships.
The difficulties in meeting potential spouses have exacerbated an increasing tendency among South Koreans to marry late. As young women have gotten better jobs, analysts say, many are loath to give them up to shepherd children through a hypercompetitive education system and care for aging in-laws.
In , the average age of a first marriage for South Korean women hit